Marie Jacinthe de Botidoux to Martha Jefferson (Randolph)
editorial note
The text that follows is part of what Botidoux referred to as one of her “journal” letters. The Editors have broken this manuscript, which spans nearly three months, into sections dated as Botidoux dated them, and grouped each transcription together with its translation. Unless otherwise noted, Botidoux’s original punctuation and spelling have been retained. Links to navigate from one dated section to another appear below.
To “journal” beginning 1 May 1790To previous “journal” entry 7 May 1790
Dimanche Le 7 9 May [1790]
j’etois hier soir Chez Mde De Villiers faite Comme un diable C’est a dire Comme à Mon ordinaire. on sonne au parloir, Mde D’orgemont Me dit que C’est Mr [. . .] Shurt je Crois que C’est une plaisanterie [. . .] Mlle Benard un instant après dit qu’il s’en est allé et qu’il n’a pas voulu attendre qu’on fut chercher Mde De Villiers disant qu’il reviendroit dans un autre Moment. je me felicite en Moi Même de Cela pensant qu’un autre jour j’aurai Ma toilette faite et que par Consequent je pourai Le voir. Mde De Villiers arrive fort fachee qu’on ne Lait pas attendue et Me dit qu’en passant L’autre jour à La grille Chaillot elle L’avoit fait prier de venir Lui donner de tes nouvelles et en même tems prendre du thé—dans Le Moment on Me sonne elle Me dit de La faire avertir si C’est Mr Shurt, C’e[. . .] je descends au tour et je demande qui M’a fait sonner Mon dieu Mlle C’est Ce Mr de Chez Mlle jeff fferson il vous a fait sonner deux fois et est enfin allé Chez Mde De Villiers Mais Mde De Chavanges est actuellement au parloir qui vous demande et C’est pour elle qu’on vous a sonnée tu peux imaginer Mon humeur, rien ne M’auroit fait tant de bien dans Ce Moment, que de trouver quelqu’un pour battre, je vais dire bon jour à Mde de Chavanges ensuite je remonte chez Mde Villiers Lui Compter Mon Malheur, que surement Cela degoutera Mr Shurt de venir au Couvent—que nous ne saurons point de tes nouvelles—enfin je Me Mets à pleurer pour finir La scene. C’est une charmante qualité que j’ai acquise depuis ton départ et je suis devenue d’une sensibilité si etonnante que je ferois Le pendant du pieux énée ou (au Cas que tu N’aye pas Lu L’eneide) des et femmes a sentiment de paris je Compte sur La promesse qu’il a faite de revenir Chez Mde De Villiers, sans Cela il y auroit de quoi se pendre=N’admire tu pas que quoique Mde De Villiers L’ait fait prier de passer Chez elle, il M’ait demandée La premiere, si il N’avoit pas été amoureux de toi je Croirois que C’est pour mes beaux yeux, Mais Le Moyen d’y Croire. La phrase que je Lui avois mis dans mon dernier billet en est surement La Cause il eut été bien aise d’eteindre Le feu qui peut-être Le brule encore en parlant de ta Legéreté de ton insensibilité & reellement Ma Chere je ne te Concois [. . .] pas 7 a 8 mois sans écrire … on ne peut pas mettre Cela sur ta paresse, je t’assure que voici La dernière Lettre que je t’écris sans reponce C’est La quatrieme ainsi tu N’auras pas de reproches a me faire—Cette phrase a La Noidans me fait souvenir de Lui et je trouve Lui ressembler beaucoup depuis quelque tems, je suis d’une bêtise d’une bêtise, incroyable, si on me parle de toi je Reponds en faisant des soupirs gros Comme Le poing, je pleure a Chaque instant aussi j’ai une reputation de sensibilité etonnante actuellement—L’autre jour pour La premiere fois depuis ton depart j’ai été au bois de boulogne j’ai Cru que j’en etoufferois heureusement qu’on ne s’en est pas appercu enfin je ne [. . .] Concois pas par quel hasard j’ai gagné Ce Charmant Caractere pleureur Ce qu’il y a de fort bon C’est qu’au Milieu de Mes Larmes je pense aux eclats de rire que tu ferois si tu Me voyois et je me mets a eclater et a rire toute seule—je voulois attendre a voir Mr shurt pour faire partir Cette Lettre Mais il seroit trop tard voulant L’envoyer par Le paquebot qui part Le [. . .] 15 de Ce Mois adieu donc je t’embrasse Mil et Mil fois ainsi que polly. écrits Moi donc, ou si ton pere te L’a deffendu (Ce que je ne Crois pas) dis Le Moi tout uniment, dis bien des choses à sallé de Ma part
en relisant Ma Lettre je me dis qu’il faut être bien sotte pour t’écrire Comme je fais surtout L’histoire de D… [. . .] Ma Chere en prenant La plume il Me semble te parler et alors j’en dis Comme si Nous etions encore dans Cette Charmante petite allée, Comme elle etoit jolie L’autre jour j’avois envie de descendre et d’aller demander à Mr Shurt La permission d’y faire un tour
editors’ translation
Sunday 9 May [1790]
Last night I was at Mde de Villiers’s looking like the devil, that is, in my ordinary fashion. Someone rang at the parlor. Mde d’Orgemont told me that it was Mr Short. I thought it was a joke. A moment later Mlle Benard told me that he was gone and did not want to wait for someone to fetch Mde de Villiers, saying that he would come back another time. I congratulated myself for this, thinking that another day I would have finished my toilette and that, consequently, I would be able to see him. When Mde de Villiers arrived, she was very angry that he had not waited for her, and she told me that, while going by the Grille de Chaillot the other day, she had invited him to come for tea and to give her some news of you—At that moment someone rang for me. She told me to have someone call her if it was Mr Short. I went down to the turn box and asked who had rung for me. “My God, Mlle! It was that gentleman from Mlle Jeff’s. He had someone ring you twice and, finally, went to see Mde de Villiers. But Mde de Chavanges is presently in the parlor asking for you, and it is for her that we rang you.” You can imagine my mood at the time; I just wanted to hit somebody. I went to say hello to Mde de Chavanges. Then I went back up to Mde de Villiers’s, to tell her of my bad luck, that what had happened would surely discourage Mr Short from coming to the convent—that we would have no news of you—and, to end the scene, I started crying. This is a charming quality that I have acquired since you left, and I have become so astonishingly sensitive that I would be a perfect match for the pious Aeneas or (in case you have not read The Aeneid) the sentimental women of Paris. I count on his promise to come back for Mde de Villiers. Without that, there would be enough reason to hang myself=Does it not astonish you that, although Mde de Villiers asked that he stop by her place, he asked for me first? If he had not been in love with you, I would think that he did it for my beautiful eyes, but how can that be believed? The sentence that I wrote in my last note to him is surely the cause. Talking about your thoughtlessness, your insensitivity, etc., I wrote that he would have been at liberty to extinguish the fire that perhaps still burns in him. Really, my dear, I cannot conceive of your letting 7 or 8 months go by without writing … It cannot be attributed to laziness. I assure you that this is the last letter that I write you without an answer. Since it is the fourth one, you will have no reason to reproach me—This sentence in the style of Noidans reminds me of him, and I find that I have been very much like him for some time. I am so silly, so unbelievably silly. If someone talks to me about you, I answer with enormous sighs, I cry at any moment, so that I now have a reputation of being incredibly sensitive—The other day, for the first time since you left, I went to the Bois de Boulogne. I thought that I would suffocate. Luckily, no one noticed. I do not understand how I could possibly have acquired this charming weeping personality. What is quite good in all this is that, in the midst of my tears, I think about your outbursts of laughter, if you should see me, and I burst out laughing all by myself—I wanted to wait for Mr Short in order to send this letter, but it would be too late, as I wish to send it on the packet boat that leaves on the 15th of this month. Farewell, then. I kiss you a thousand and a thousand times, as well as Polly. So, write me! Or, if your father has forbidden you to do so (which I do not believe), simply tell me. Give my best regards to Sally
Rereading my letter, I tell myself that one must be very silly to write you as I do, especially the story about D… My dear, when I take up the pen I feel as if I were speaking to you, and so I tell you things as if we were still in that charming little pathway. How pretty it was! The other day I felt like going down and asking Mr Short for permission to take a walk there
To “journal” beginning 1 May 1790To previous “journal” entry 7 May 1790